Impetuous

A couple of years ago - almost exactly 2 - God met with me while I was visiting a friend's church in India.

As I stood in front of the church, about to give a word of greeting - The Lord whispered in my ear, "Ellen, you know, you are a lot like Peter." I was immediately gripped with the vision of Peter cutting off the guard's ear, and responded, "oh, yes. I know."

The Lord was so gracious. You see, it was not his intent to demoralize me. It was not his intent to discourage me. It was his intent to teach me - to lead me - to show me how much he loved me.

So he then said, "But, I L O V E Peter!"

Ha, ha - talk about affirmation! My thoughts then instantly turned to Peter walking on the water - Peter's shadow that healed people - the reminder that Jesus told him he was a rock and that it would be on that rock he would build his church.

Now, most of you won't know this but it has been my heart's desire for 10 years anyway, to have a faith like Peter's. To step out of the boat - to dare to walk on the water of my faith - just because Jesus called me to it. I have a print that a dear friend gave me several years ago of Peter walking on the water toward Jesus. I immediately had it professionally matted and framed and hung it on my living room wall.

So, back to impetuousness.

I was in India as a result of an impetuous response to a casual invitation from a new friend. "Hey Ellen, why don't you go to India with me this summer?" I almost immediately said, "OK!" Very impetuous on my part but oh, what an adventure!

So, now here I am. Two years later and pondering the impact of that encounter with Jesus. Am I still impetuous? You bet I am. But, God has given me a safety net now that I didn't have previously.

You see, God has given me the gift of love. He taught me about love as he opened my heart to receive his love. He taught me about love as I looked at and cared for my now adult children, their spouses, and their children, my grandchildren.

He taught me about love as I pondered and received the great sacrifice that Jesus offered on my behalf. He taught me about self-less love as I cared for, nursed, and loved my mother - especially in the last 5 years or so of her life. He taught me about self-less love as I cared for my ill, now deceased, husband. He taught me that there are Holy Spirit reserves inside of us that we can unleash and call on anytime of the day or night.

Now he is opening my eyes and my heart to the way that Jesus loves the church selflessly. The intimacy that he is seeking with his bride - the longing that his bride has to spend time with him - to hear his words of affirmation - to feel the physical-ness of his nearness - to receive his great gifts - to be the recipient of his incredible acts of service.

He is opening my eyes and my heart to the way that Jesus longs for us to love him. To not only desire to be recipient of his time, affirmation, physical presence, acts of service and gifts but for us to long to shower him in return with all those same expressions of love and intimacy.

As Jesus began to open my eyes to his desire for me and my desire for him - God brought a man into my life that would be the right here - right now - living example of that relationship. A man that would take seriously the instruction to love his wife as Jesus loves the church.

A new safety net.

A net that will catch me when I fall (has in fact already caught me several times!) and yet continues to give me the freedom to fall. A net that covers me - protects me - provides for me - cares for me - loves me - like I have never been covered, protected, provided for, cared for and loved before.

You see, not only does God have a plan, he always did. His plan is and always was for my good and not my destruction. My impetuousness took me off into different directions for a time, but God's plan never changed.

He patiently waited while paths were traveled; while chapters were written; while doors were closed. He patiently waited while I finished what I started. He patiently waited until just the right time to pour out his greatest love and affection on me.

He patiently waited until he had my full attention so that he could lead me where he wanted me to go.

I am forever grateful to an incredible Daddy that didn't give up on me but waited patiently for me to turn my heart wholly toward him. Just so he could pour out his richest blessings on me - just so he could give me the desires of my heart.

Am I still impetuous? You bet! Do I still want to jump out of the boat and walk on the water of my faith? Absolutely! Am I so inclined to do it just because I think it's a good idea? Maybe not so much - maybe I have learned that God has a better way - maybe I have learned that when he calls me to jump out of the boat and come toward him, my only job is to keep my eyes steadily on him and he'll not let me sink.